Sifting

How is it that one day can last so long?
I woke up pretty early considering I'm still jet-lagged from college-time. My little sister Corinne(she's 12 now) and I walked to Vons to buy scone-making supplies, butter and buttermilk and jam. Then we made some delicious and probably very fattening scones and then we ate them. For a while there it didn't look like Brendan (my 15 year old moody sarcastic bored by life little brother) could wait. He was watching food channel, drooling over nutella sandwiches and fried egg breakfasts, and announcing that he was hungry! Eventually we fed him and the bear subsided for a while.
There seemed to be large expanses of time stretching out endlessly today. I have become accustomed to busyness, so I didn't really know what to do with myself. So I was ridiculously productive - now I am totally unpacked and moved in to the spare room plus I cleaned out all the bathroom drawers and the linen closet. I feel a little freakish, to be honest.
I went to church - I'm Catholic - and for some reason I felt like crying - the heaving, messy, loud sobbing that is just embarrassing. I didn't. I just realized how ruined and how utterly beautiful we all are. And how desperately lonely and how comforted in our isolation. So paradoxical! It hit me sitting there how much God loves all of us, and I got a glimpse, for just a second, what it would be like to see these people as God sees them. Just looking at them filled me with this deep incomprehensible love for them. What would it be like if we could all see that way? What if we loved each other that way, reaching out, inviting, speaking of love straightforward? Someday, someday I will see all of you in the land of the living and everything will be whole.
Now I am just lonely. The family is watching TV again (something I actually am deeply unsettled by but you probably don't want to hear a rant right now) and I am up in my clean room reading and wishing for lovely friends to be with. Get a grip Shannon its been two days! Anyway, pray for me, that I use this time to learn who God is and find myself in his wide, intimate heart, rather than get caught up in loneliness and boredom and despair.

THIS EARTH A BOW
Meister Eckhart

You let

my sufferings cease,

for there was no one who could cure them.

Now let my eyes behold your face for you are our only love.

My spirit’s body is rising near – this earth a bow

that shot me;
now lift me into your arms as something precious

that you dropped.

My only suffering, from this day forth,

will be your divine

beauty,
and you will constantly cure my blessed sight each time

you bring your face so near to mine

and call me

bride.

Do not be sad, my old friends; look,

these wings are finally stretched and laughing.

Our souls are rising near to you - this earth a bow that shot us;
now lift me into your arms, dear God,

like something precious that

you dropped.